2019:03 The Diving Board

That Interrupting Cow showed up again like three days after I wrote the last post. Middle child made another poor choice that landed her back home and I feel a little crazy again. Hopefully things will iron out quickly. For the most part she is making better choices, but has to make some directional decisions that are predicated on the requirements of others and that isn’t a fast path. I have contributed my pieces to her resources of navigation and now I have to go back to being me and doing my life.

Of course all of this has been a handy excuse to remain longer on the diving board of getting my work going as a mortgage broker. Yeah, I feel like the kid who thinks she is on the top of the high dive, but the water is truly only a few feet below her. She is standing there nervously shaking and a little chilly at the end staring at the water and contemplating the moment. I’m set up, there are some details to wind up on the learning curve. All I need to do is reach out to a couple of people to get things going and off I go, but I haven’t done it yet. It’s dumb. There, I’ve passed honest judgement on my procrastinating person.

Time to write two emails and shoot them off. The year isn’t getting any younger and I need to make things happen. Part of what has held me back has been the sense that middle child wasn’t OK. She was living at a friend’s ranch and while things seemed to be going well, I think my gut has been warning me all along that they weren’t. However, her return has shown someone who is actually driving her life, has a plan and is being more conscious about her choices. Hoping it sticks. There is a point when the executive function of the frontal lobe kicks in and I think that this happened in the last few months. My gut feels better about it anyway and I think it’s OK to let go of more things that might weigh me down and cause a belly flop.

Time for a well formed swan dive.

Letting go a little bit more today,

Kiki