2021.01 Blues

Go ahead and play the blues if it’ll make you happy.Dan Castellaneta

It’s now April and my poor blog has been ignored in favor of long swigs of social media news, podcasts and discussion groups. Then there is work and children who are buying houses and trying to figure out if they are getting married or breaking up. In the meantime, my house feels junky and frumpty. Come to think of it, I feel that way as well – not typical for me but the distractions have been multiple. Then there is the issue of an aging parent and I won’t go there cause that could be a post by itself. Sometimes life just feels crazy in an unfun way. That leads to zero inspiration in spite of a lot of thoughts about what is. But that isn’t what I sat down to write about here, it’s just to explain how it has been since fall that I finally picked this up again.

There is a selfish person inside me. One who would like to have a husband who provides so that I don’t have to cause I’m tired of making a living or at least having to make the whole living for me and whoever else I happened to be housing at the moment because they are underemployed (a child not any random person.) I’d like to go out to dinner and be given space to read and study and for someone else to do the shopping, cooking, cleaning, yard work, car and house maintenance part of the time. It would be nice for someone else to be the parent occasionally and to be in charge of watching over the parent of mine since my sibling lives far away. I’d like to be held, danced with, sung with, kissed good-night and tucked in and even share my bed and intimacy some of the time.

In truth, I’m tired. Tired of putting out for everyone else. Mad because things I enjoyed like choir and dancing and playing in orchestra or going to the opera, a lecture, the symphony have all been taken away by the stupid scamdemic. My life is full of half read volumes strung about my study and nightstand, two messy desks and unfinished clean out. I’m packing pounds or maybe it is really just atrophy and it feels awful. Grad school is but a pipe dream.

Yet, as I watch the sock puppet president falling up stairs, reading cue cards at his press conference and his every move monitored by his wife or his VP while our country languishes into destruction it seems like there are more pressing matters. The children and families at the border all promised a better life are rolled in space blankets looking more like giant Costco hot dogs than people. There is chaos there and disease and filth. How is this OK and how did we deteriorate to this so incredibly quickly since the end of January? This is a season designed to bring our country to the precipice of destruction so that people wake up. I see some hope of that happening in some places and other places not so much. There is a long way to go but at the rate things are happening it may all be upon us soon enough.

Really, I have everything to be thankful for. Just feeling a little over done of late and need to focus on getting myself together cause I’m not very.

Trusting in God sovereignty in spite of my own swirling mess.

Kiki

In my quest for a blues song I happened onto this awesome clip from The Blues Brothers. It’s all of the kind of fun I like to have and would love to learn that dance! (Shake a Tail Feather, 1980)